Authored by Neal F. Litherland in Divorce
Published on 01-09-2010
Unfortunately with a divorce rate that is up around 50% (depending on which statistics and newspapers you read) there are a lot of divorced people who are technically single again. Additionally at least half of those people are men. While going from being married to being divorced can be hard on many husbands, going from being divorced to dating can be more difficult. It may sometimes feel as if you’ve come full circle, but for those divorced men willing to try getting back into the game there are some things that you should definitely do… and some things you definitely shouldn’t.
First and foremost divorced guys, don’t talk about your ex. This is just as true for a divorce as it was for a less serious breakup. Women don’t want to hear about your baggage, and the chief article of your baggage they don’t want to hear about is your ex-wife. When you begin dating again focus on the here and now. Allow your dates to get to know who you are as a person before you introduce them to your divorce and its effects.
This is not to say of course that you should hide the fact that you’re divorced from anyone you’re dating. By all means be as open and honest as you can with everyone… but don’t dwell on it. If you have kids, then mention how many and what their names are. If pressed mention how old they are and where they go to school. If you’re divorced and the subject comes up, give a brief sketch of your situation. Was married for however many years, you had issues with your wife, and you went your separate ways. Describing it in these short hand strokes makes the issue seem a part of your past instead of an ongoing issue, and it makes it seem as if you and your ex-wife were reasonable adults… whether or not you were isn’t an issue for early dating.
How fast you should move is up to you, but there are some warning signs to look out for if you’re a divorced man on the dating scene. Be wary of divorced women who are looking for someone to commiserate with… unless of course that’s also what you’re seeking yourself. Also be wary of women who want to help you through your pain… if you don’t become dependent on them for sympathy and care, you might find that once you’re emotionally better that they’ll move on because there’s nothing left to fix. And of course watch out for women who remind you of your ex-wife. There’s a reason you broke up, and it’s a bad idea to find a new partner to act as a surrogate for the one you didn’t get along with well in the first place.
Other than what’s above though, there are a lot of things that divorced men should be careful of when dating. However if you’re polite, clean yourself up, and do your best to be charming and interesting you should come out all right in the end.