Dealing with Divorce for Men

Any number of factors can contribute to the breakup of a marriage. However, one thing is for certain. Men and women view the cause of a divorce differently. Women often look at their divorce as something that may have been caused by deficiencies in the emotional connection of a marriage.

Men, on the other hand, often view the separation as a physical issue, which can cause emotional turmoil down the road.

When a man’s wife asks him for a divorce, he cannot help but wonder if there was some sort of physical need he was not meeting. This fear can prey on a man’s self-image as he seeks to move past the divorce and commence healing for a new life.

As a result of these feelings, men usually make a few key mistakes in dealing with divorce. Some of these mistakes include:

Thinking another man is in the picture. It is not always true that she wanted to leave because she found someone who can better attend to her physical needs. In fact, the opposite is often true. Maybe the sex was still good, but women have emotional needs which need to be met, just like you do. If all you have time for is sex, then she may not feel as valued and appreciated as she would like. So do yourself a favor here: stop thinking it is all about the physical.

Dating again…immediately. When a man speculates his looks, bedroom performance, or other physical attribute, is responsible for the dissolution of his marriage, he usually seeks peace of mind in the arms of other partners. The logic is, if I can still attract and perform, then I must not have been the problem. This flawed line of thinking leads to some hasty dating before he is emotionally prepared for all the issues a potential relationship can face. Best advice: learn how to be single again. It will prevent you from replacing old pain with new.

Thinking your new partner is your old one. Once you have taken the plunge into a new relationship, it is natural to have moments when your new partner reminds you of your old spouse. A friendly exchange between her and a male friend may seem a little too friendly. A late night at work can grate on your nerves. But you must take heart, and learn to trust again. Do not judge the new “her” with the old one because they are different people. By being and remaining attentive to your new partner, you should be able to forge a new life.

Too many men make the huge mistake of beating themselves up, overly scrutinizing their future partners, and replacing the old relationship as soon as they possibly can. For these reasons, second marriages are even more likely to fail than first ones. It is recommended that you stay single after a divorce for at least as long as you were married, maxing out at around five years. Of course, if you were only married a few months, then you may want to still shoot for the five-year maximum, and I say that because many have experienced the flash-bulb marriage. Immediately tying the knot again after one of these is an almost guaranteed divorce waiting to happen.

“Know thy self”: This is the key to a successful relationship, and a successful life.


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