Going through a divorce is tough, even when both parties agree it is the best thing to do. Whether the feelings between the husband and wife are still somewhat amicable, it is every important to take steps to ensure that the interests of both parties are covered. For men, this means making sure that the divorce is conducted with the same level of professionalism as any type of legal issue.
First, make sure you have a competent attorney who is well-versed on divorce laws in your jurisdiction. One mistake that many men make is assuming that the ex-wife will be fair and open to dividing the assets of the marriage equally. Keep in mind that her legal counsel will do everything possible to make sure she comes out ahead in the settlement. To effectively deal with her counsel, you need solid legal assistant yourself.
Second, do not discuss any terms of the divorce without the attorney’s present. All too often, some minor slip of the tongue can create problems that make arriving at an equitable settlement a little more difficult. Always be courteous with your former spouse, but keep all discussions on topic and do not allow yourself to get dragged into any emotional discussions that will only cloud the issues.
For situations where children are involved, it is important that neither spouse disparage the other in front of the kids. Even if one spouse or the other committed some act that led to the end of the marriage and caused a great deal of hurt, don’t use that to poison either parent’s relationship with the kids. Keep in mind that someone can be a terrible spouse, but be a wonderful parent. For this reason, never rundown the mother of your children, or let any lingering feelings or resentment or hurt spoil the kids’ relationship with their mother.
When there are joint assets, such as bank accounts or credit cards, make sure those are quickly divided equally. This will prevent situations from arising where one spouse can accuse the other of financial improprieties. As for your assets, make sure they are all properly documented and that your attorney has a complete profile of your finances. Trying to hide assets often causes more trouble than the effort is worth, since attorneys know all sorts of ways to track down hidden assets, and bring them up key points during the settlement process. Be up front and honest, and in the long run, it will make things much smoother for you.
As far as getting back on your feet emotionally, one mistake many guys make is to get involved with another woman immediately after the divorce. These relationships rarely work out. You need time to sort through how the divorce has affected you, get used to the idea of being on your own, and in general putting your life back together. Focus more on spending time with friends and other loved ones, and maybe going somewhere or doing something that you always wanted to do, but could not because of your commitment to your former spouse. Only after you are comfortable in your own skin once again and able to take care of yourself should you begin to think in terms of dating and possibly getting back into a serious relationship.
Divorce affects men in different ways. For some, it is a situation that ultimately teaches them a thing or two about themselves. For others, it is a time to do some growing up that did not take place before the marriage. In any event, your focus should be on learning lessons from the event, and find ways to apply those lessons in the future. Ultimately, this will help you to be a better person, and possibly make you very attractive to the type of woman that is right for you.