Authored by Rodney Southern in Movies and Television
Published on 10-07-2009
Horror movies are known for many things. Among these things are gore, bumps in the night and sadistic serial killer monsters that simply will not die. Still, it is quite common that we find ourselves cheering for the killer during these slaughterfests. The reason? Usually it is because they are chasing a lame character that we have learned to despise through the first part of the horror movie. Sometimes it is because of the annoyingly stupid mistakes that the horror movie victims tend to make. Here are the top five annoying habits of horror movie victims:
Mistake number one – The decision to have sex in the middle of nowhere
Besides the incredibly loose morals that this requires, it also must require a measure of extreme stupidity. Think it over. You are in the middle of the woods with strange noises everywhere. Two of your friends are missing without a trace, and you are not really sure where civilization is. Your last bit of firelight just burned out, and you decide to….have sex? Go ahead and kill em Jason.
Mistake number two – Investigating the sounds
This one drives me crazy. You have just discovered your best friend’s dead body in the closet of the haunted house you were visiting. Your other friends are all missing. You hear a bump in the next room. You run to the doorway and instead of going out the front door, you decide that you must know what that bump was. Again, you deserve whatever you get.
Mistake number three – You test the spirits in a haunted place
A perfect example of this stupid horror movie mistake would be in the Mummy. They find the Book of the Dead for goodness sakes, and decide to…read from it? Seriously? Leave the dang book and go very far away from there. If you really had any brains, you would have never went chasing mummies in the first place, but why would you raise them as well?
Mistake number four – Ignoring the crazy person
For some reason, every single horror movie has at least one crazy person that knows the “truth” before the victims are actually placed in real danger. This person is always ignored, and the victims end up dead because of it. Why not listen to the old geezer and go have a beer with them instead? It sure would be less painful than a machete.
Mistake number five – Screaming and crying while you run
Everybody always wonders why the killers are able to find the girls in the horror movie. This is largely due to the fact that they have a built in GPS inside their throats called a voice box. Think about it. The killer finds them, and they get scared and run. As they run, and no matter how far ahead of the killer they get, they cry and scream like a banshee. Has it occurred that they are signaling to the killer their exact location? They may as well draw them a map. Shut up and run away. When you get far enough ahead, then hide and keep yourself good and quiet.
Better still, go ahead and do these things. If they didn’t, then horror movies would not be so fun anymore.