Authored by Ceetee Sheckels in Marriage
Published on 10-22-2009
A troubled marriage is always painful and confusing. There are some important points to keep in mind when you are considering a marriage counselor.
If you or your spouse feel that there are problems in your marriage, it is a good idea to find a marriage counselor as soon as possible. Instead of ignoring problems with the hope that they will go away or get better on their own, getting help can stop the problems from becoming more serious. You don’t want to wait until your marriage is in danger of such a breakdown that it cannot be saved. If there is something which you and your spouse cannot resolve on your own, a marriage counselor is the best solution.
A good marriage counselor comes with the proper credentials and a considerable amount of experience. This is why it is best to avoid taking your marriage problems to your friends and family members. A marriage counselor is qualified to know how to help you.
Having an initial consultation with the counselor before you commit to his or her services is a positive step. You want to know that this is the right person for you. One sign of a good marriage counselor is that he or she is not biased. If the counselor strongly appears to favor one spouse over the other, you should find a different counselor. The point is to work in the best interests of the marriage, which means not taking sides.
The marriage counselor you choose should be able to focus on the problems that you and your spouse are experiencing. While some people do have difficulties in their relationships due to unresolved issues from their pasts, the counselor who places too much emphasis on your childhood and other stages of your distant past is not necessarily being helpful. You need guidance in what you need to do in your current situation.
When you are in the market for a marriage counselor, you can choose between individual counselors or one counselor who will see both spouses at the same time. While the benefit of each spouse having his or her own counselor is that each person will feel more able to open up when the other is not present, a couple’s counselor can assist both persons to be honest with each other. He or she will be able to see if either spouse has a tendency to blame the other, and how well they communicate. This can be greatly beneficial in assisting couples to develop better communication skills.
If you have not yet made the decision to seek help, knowing that it is a very positive thing to do is a good start. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you place a very high priority on your marriage. When you reach out for help, you are letting each other know that you are willing to do what it takes to preserve your marriage, and to make it better and stronger. The help you receive from a marriage counselor can be the beginning of a much happier future together.