Authored by Katharine Foust in Relationships
Published on 10-12-2009
If you are reading about dealing with a narcissist, then chances are that you are dealing with one right now. Hopefully it’s a family member or friend. Why? Because the alternative is that you are involved in an intimate relationship with someone who is a narcissist and I can tell you right now that the road you are on will never end up where you want it to, or where it is healthy for you.
To begin with, let’s talk a little bit about what narcissism is. Most people are aware that it involves the behaviors of a person who tends to focus only on themselves. Unfortunately, it goes a bit deeper than that. Quite a bit deeper actually. For one, there is no known cure for narcissism. Now, that’s not exactly encouraging is it?
Someone who has narcissism tends to focus only on themselves and expects others to do the same. This makes them horrible to have relationships with since the goal of a relationship is a partnership where the people love each other equally and hold each other in high regards. The narcissist will never be able to love anyone as much as they love themselves, not even their own children. The kicker is that they also loathe themselves beyond any amount of loathing they can feel for anyone else. Their insecurities run so deep in fact that they feed themselves large amounts of grandiosity in the hopes of becoming the image they have in their mind. They also expect heavy devotion and respect from everyone else in the hopes that other people will never find out what truly is inside of the narcissist.
Are you confused yet? I don’t blame you a bit. Imagine this scenario. The man (and yes there are plenty of narcissistic women, I’m just using a male one as an example) who is overbearing and controlling. He may want to dominate his woman to the extreme of limiting her access to the world around her. He may constantly accuse her of cheating on him and chances are she has no intention of cheating on him. In fact, chances are much more likely that he is cheating on her in another attempt to feed his ego.
The best way to deal with someone who has this problem is to avoid them, especially if you are a person who tries to “fix” other people. There is no fixing someone who is narcissistic and you could very well spend your entire life trying, with nothing but negative results. You will become the feeder of the ego even as yours is slowly drained. It will be exhausting and is not recommended for anyone who wishes to keep a sense of self.
The problem is that people tend to look at the potential of the person they are with rather than who they really are with. It’s human nature to want to believe the best of people. It simply isn’t reality though. Spending too much time around someone with clinical narcissism is not only emotionally draining, but can be downright dangerous if that ego is ever questioned.