Is constant fighting ruining your relationship with that special someone? Are you missing the first days of that budding romance when things seemed so much easier? Afraid this is a sign that your relationship is doomed to fail? Never fear. Fighting, while frustrating, is not an impossible problem to manage in a relationship.

The first thing to think about is what is fighting at all? All couples have, and should have, disagreements in a healthy relationship. And, feeling passionate about those disagreements is a great indicator that you are feeling passionate about one another. But, there is a big difference between disagreeing and full out fighting.

Fighting is aggressive, angry, and defensive behavior that produces a negative outcome in trying to resolve conflict. It is often coupled with personal attacks against your partner, and even passive aggressive moves used to avoid confrontation. So, what can be done to end this type of destructive behavior?

Well, the first thing to do is to realize that this is not about not disagreeing. As stated before, disagreeing and being able to voice those dissenting feelings about your relationship and your partner, are an integral tool of a successful relationship. So, what must happen is you and your partner must learn how to handle these conflicts in a more positive manner in order to achieve a healthy resolution together?

First, think about what you and your partner are always fighting about. Is there a common theme, or an underlying problem than needs addressing? Keep in mind that anger is a secondary emotion brought on by deeper hurt or sadness. So, instead of attacking your partner, try and work together to discover the root of the conflict.

And, the most important way to do this is to listen. Fights most often escalate because one or both partners want to talk more than they want to hear the other side of the argument. Keep in mind that both people the relationship have a right to express their feelings, discuss their concerns, and to make their case. This equal exchange of communication is the only way to successfully bridge a disagreement.

Now, this is obviously a lot harder then it sounds. There are several factors that make it difficult for us to hear and listen to both sides of the argument. Consider that the more under control one keeps their own emotions, the more likely it is the other partner won’t feel the need to go on the defensive. Another thing to keep in mind is that both people have a right to respond to what the other one is saying. Just make sure you keep your love for the other person in mind when you share your opinion.

Also, no matter how unimportant an argument may seem to you, realize that if the other person is bringing it up, it is important to them. This sort of respect for your partner’s feelings and insecurities is a fundamental aspect to building a better relationship.