Authored by Neal F. Litherland in Dating
Published on 10-19-2009

Most guys have come across this scenario at least once in their life, and most of them more than once. You have that friend whose really close to you, you enjoy being around her, you go to the movies, you take walks, just hang out, and one day you realize something. You might want something more. But the question arises… just how do you ask a friend of yours to be something more? More importantly, how do you do it without running the risk of ruining the friendship that you already have?

First and foremost, be honest with what you’re feeling. Do you want something serious, or are you just looking to satisfy your curiosity as to what it would be like to try a more serious relationship? Neither of these is a bad thing, but make sure that you know exactly what it is you do and don’t want before you go forward. If you don’t know what you’re feeling, then how can you ever explain it to her?

The second thing you should do is watch your friend carefully when she’s around you. Does she purposefully sit closer to you? Does she meet and hold your eyes? What’s her body language like? Other things to to pay attention to are whether or not she insists on doing things as a group, or if she wants to have alone time with you. If you both have mutual friends, but she insists on doing things with just you, that’s usually a good sign.

Now guys, this is the important part. Communicate with her. It’s a bad idea, especially with someone that you’re friends with, to suddenly change your behavior and try to make things more meaningful and romantic without warning. This can actually have the direct opposite effect in a lot of cases, and it can ruin your friendship in addition to denying you any sort of romantic opportunity. So instead of trying your best Don Juan impression, ask if you can have a day to talk to her about something that’s on your mind. Sure it might be less stellar than a kiss in the rain, but let’s face it guys this is reality, not a chic flick. Be reasonable, and treat your friend with respect. Chances are that you owe each other the truth at this point.

Once you’ve come this far, don’t just let fate take its course and see what happens. Pick a place that you’re both comfortable in, and that’s neutral ground if at all possible. Explain to your friend what you’ve been feeling, and what you’ve been thinking (which is why it’s important that you be honest with yourself in the beginning). Then ask her what she feels about this, and what she’d like to do about it. Chances may be that she’ll throw her arms around you and kiss you… or she might look really panicky and uncomfortable. Either way, if you act like adults and talk about where you should go from there, chances are that your friendship will continue, even if your attempt to make it more than a friendship doesn’t.