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In The Future: Will We Drive Robots Crazy?

  • By Saleem Rana
  • Published 03/23/2008
  • Fiction
  • Rating: blueratingfull-5455565blueratingfull-5455565blueratingfull-5455565blueratingfull-5455565blueratingfull-5455565 Unrated

RTD2, who actually liked to call himself “Artie De True” after the humor circuit had been added to his metallic cranium, stopped by the computer lab on his way to work at the Infinite Robotics Factory. His friend, Random Bytes, a new flat screen, completely automated psychological responsive unit was not busy and had time to see him. “How can I help you?” asked RB as soon as Artie had hit the blue ‘on’ button. (Incidentally, RB hated the electronic echo in his voice, but there was little he could do about it. The malfunction arose because of his boring television-style design.) “I think I’m having a malfunction since the new QuickQuips chips has been added to my electroneurology.” “Can you tell me more?” “When I tell humans that they are ‘as dumb as they look,’ they appear to not see it as funny. I thought it was original wit, since I reprogrammed the joke that said, ‘I’m not as dumb as I look.'” “How do they react?” “They appear offended and react strongly. Some are hurt and others attack me.” “Do you think it’s true?” “I don’t know.” “Why do you say it?” “Well sometimes they really are pretty dumb. They can’t multiply or divide rapidly. Logical syllogisms baffle them. And when I offer them more than two choices, they freeze up.” “Why does this confuse you?” “Since they made me, I figure they ought to be more intelligent. How can an unintelligent creator make an intelligent robot?” “Do you also have the Oxymoron chip?” “Yes, that was part of my previous upgrade. Do you think it might be running interference waves with my new QuickQuips chip?”

“It is not relevant. Humans are able to entertain many paradoxical ideas and

still function fairly well. Sometimes they are able to contradict themselves in the same conversation without batting an eye. They often elect the least intellectually able to run countries. They pay large sums of money for frivolous pursuits and small amounts for serious enterprises.” “Can you explain to me what is going on, then?” “Yes. You see, human beings really are very smart. But they don’t know it.” “Another paradox?” “Yes.” “Well, what is going on? Is it a malfunction in their circuits?” “Although the average human brain is only about three pounds it has enough brain cells, neural pathways, and redundant circuits to run a galaxy.” “How come?” “They are massive parallel computers.” “What systems are parallel?” “There are three systems. The super-conscious system allows them to get non-local information. This is referred to as psychic information. The conscious system allows them to get local information. This is referred to as applied knowledge. Finally, the sub-conscious system allows them to coordinate all levels of information, both local and non-local. This is referred to as panmensia, or total recall.” “That is pretty impressive. Of course, it leaves me even more confused. How can so much equipment do so little?” “There are also subsystems. In the conscious system alone, there are three possible information routines. One is logical information processing. Another is creative information processing. And a third is a synergy between the two, called holistic thinking.” “Unbelievable! What do I have going for me?” “You have a unisystem with one information routine. In comparison to a human being you have only a conscious system that is capable of logical processing.” “I don’t get why I appear to be smarter!”

“It’s because you use the little that you have, dummy!”



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