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Marriage without Sex

Authored by Katharine Foust in Marriage
Published on 09-17-2009

We all know the tales of woe. As soon as the ring is on the finger, the sex life is over. Why is this such a trend? Why does the spark of physical craving seem to wane when the last names are the same? There are a variety of reasons for this and there are a variety of solutions for this. There is however, one unchanging fact. The honeymoon is over and it’s time to really start working on the relationship.

We all know that when two people first get together, the excitement is there, the hormones are running out of control and there is no end to the lengthy conversations. Put all of these elements together and it’s a recipe for magic in the bedroom. Here’s where it gets tricky. Soon after marriage, the lengthy conversations about life goals and societal hazards turn into arguments about dirty socks and electric bills. When enough of this happens, we tend to forget what drew us to our partner in the first place. As the bonds that held us together start to fray, so does our interest in sex. In other words, the initial excitement is replaced by the drudgery of everyday life. It’s time to spice things up a bit!

Any sex life needs variety and affection. Doing the same thing over and over may make the favorite position or scenario turn into just another chore for the day. Nothing kills a sex life faster than boredom. To put some spice back into things, make it a point to try new positions on a regular basis. If you already do, or that’s not the problem, then how about putting some variety into the atmosphere instead of the position? A bit of romance may be the key here. Sometimes even doing it in a different room can lend some excitement to things.

It is imperative to keep the lines of communication open. This doesn’t just apply to sex, but that is our focus here. Being able to express concerns and ideas to your partner goes a long way towards developing the foundations for a satisfactory sex life. Make sure that you can both talk openly and then try suggesting new things or talking about the lack of a sex drive in either partner. Sometimes it’s simply a matter of resolving a problem that one person has stuck in their mind.

Another way to keep the lines of communication open is to do it on as anonymous of a basis as you can. Of course there is no true way to do this, but the act of it helps. Use a method such as a suggestion box or gift box. Each partner writes their idea of something they would like to do or place they would like to go on a sheet of paper. Take turns pulling a piece of paper out of the box and then doing what the paper says. This is a great activity to do on a monthly basis and it gives you both something to look forward to.

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