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The Last Martian Goes Home

  • By Saleem Rana
  • Published 03/23/2008
  • Fiction

The Martian stood in the open field surrounded by the best government artillery pointed at his head and chest and back. The infantry troops formed a circle around him. Up above, fighter jets waited for the word to launch a missile right into the corn field if necessary. Unaware of the hostile force that had greeted him, innocent of all thoughts of death and destruction, the handsome green giant, using his intergalactic translator device, said: “My wonderful friends: “We have noticed your suffering on this planet and I have been sent as an emissary to bring you good tidings. “You’re not here to suffer. “You don’t have to be hungry. “There is no need to cry. “I have come to bring you hope. “It’s possible to wish for what you want. “It’s possible to move beyond merely trying. “You see all being everywhere are here TO THRIVE.” “The president wishes to speak to you,” said a brusque man in army fatigues and enough medallions to sink a ship. He threw a walkie-talkie at the alien’s feet. “Hello, Mr. President. I have good news for you. You see, the entire Universe is on your side.” The President, surrounded by his entire cabinet, experts on UFOs, and the top-ranked officers of the armed forces, barked: “Why are you here?”

As the two spoke, the agitation around the president increased. This was obviously a breach of national security. And it was getting worse by the

minute. Unknown to them all, the green giant had a special vibration-meter on his wrist and within a few minutes the increasingly hostile emotions all around him set the alarm off, creating a loud piercing shrill. A nervous gunman, his nerves taut, accidentally pulled the trigger. The other gunmen, confused, assuming that an order had been given, began firing as well. The bullets passed through the green giant. “Clear the field,” shouted the commander. The soldiers raced to their vehicles. Within minutes the entire field was deserted. And the first missile struck. Then the second and the third. Within a few minutes, a small crater had formed. Watching all this on a giant television screen, the pictures being taken by satellite, the president and all his men were astonished to see that the green giant and his shiny vehicle appeared to be unharmed. “We’ll have to go nuclear,” was the last command given. Soon a huge mushroom of smoke enveloped the crater. When it cleared, there was no sign of the alien and his craft. Far above the chaos, another flying saucer, monitoring the scene, the real green giant decided to turn his image projector off . The hologram image on the surface of the earth disappeared. While the entire country was suddenly celebrating their victory over beating back the invasion, apart from a small group of malcontents that actually felt sorry for the alien, the jolly green giant said to his wife, “I don’t think they’re ready yet.”

Pushing the joystick with a sigh, she pointed the craft out of the earth’s orbit at warp speed.



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